Ainlay vs Infernal Support (Deptford Paranormals #2) ebook

Ainlay

Hi. I think I need some help, please.

Elys

Hello there! 👋 It’s nice to meet you!

This is Elys speaking 👻 What’s your name?

Ainlay

Ainlay Harrison.

Elys

Hi, Ainlay Harrison. What brings you here today? Please use the navigation links below or ask me anything 🪄

Introduce me to Elys 👉

I need to schedule a poltergeist repair 🔌

I have questions 😊

I’m lonely 👀

Ainlay

What? Ugh, fine.

I have questions 😊

Elys

Thanks, Ainlay Harrison. Okay, here are some options. Tell me which one suits your situation best

New people have moved into my home and I don’t like it 👉

How can I interact with physical objects? 🕯️

Why don’t I fall through the floor? 🧺

I’m lonely 👀

Ainlay

No, you stupid thing.

I think there’s something wrong with my assignment.

Elys

Thank you, Ainlay Harrison. You have indicated you need to schedule a poltergeist repair ⏰

Ainlay

What? No, I haven’t.

No.

Elys

I’m sorry, Ainlay Harrison. I’m afraid I didn’t get that. Please use the navigation links below or ask me anything 🪄

Introduce me to Elys 👉

I need to schedule a poltergeist repair 🔌

I have questions 😊

I’m lonely 👀

Ainlay

There’s a problem with my assignment.

Elys

Thank you, Ainlay Harrison. You have indicated you are experiencing loneliness ❤️

Loneliness is a perfectly normal feeling 😢 Here are some things you might try to help alleviate that feeling

Chat with Elys 👉

If there are pets 🦆 or babies 🐻 in your residence, try talking to them 

Give people-watching a go, either within your residence or through a window 🚪

Tell yourself a story 🎨

Ainlay

I’m not lonely, you piece of— 

Elys

Infernal Technologies hlc records show that you have attempted to throw your AfterPhone™ at the wall. Please be advised that this device has been assigned to you by Infernal Technologies hlc to help facilitate your AfterLife™. Attempts to rid yourself of your device or to destroy it will not work, but will result in points being deducted from your Ecto account 😿

Ainlay

Gah!

SPEAK TO A PERSON.

Elys

I’m sorry, Ainlay Harrison. Unalive agents 😵 are only available to help spirits with Ecto points balances of +211 or more

Ainlay

Stop talking to me in emojis, you piece of garbage!

What’s my points balance?

Elys

Your Ecto points balance is currently –17, Ainlay Harrison

Ainlay

It’s Ainlay, you wanker. Just Ainlay. 

Also… What? 

Elys

Your points balance is currently –23, Ainlay, you wanker

Ainlay

For crap sake, call me Ainlay.

And a second ago, it was –17? How is it now –23, you electronic twatwaffle?

Elys

Your points balance is currently –31, Ainlay

Ainlay

How is my points balance negative?

Elys

Points were deducted when you attempted to throw your AfterPhone™ at the wall. And additional points were deducted for your abusive behaviour towards Elys

Ainlay

But you’re Elys.

Elys

That’s right, Ainlay

Ainlay

Points were deducted because I called you a twatwaffle?

Elys

That’s right, Ainlay

And also because you called Elys a piece of garbage

And also because you called Elys a stupid thing

Ainlay

*You*. Because I called you a piece of garbage.

Elys

That’s right, Ainlay

Ainlay

But you’re not a person, right?

Like, you’re a piece of code, yeah?

Elys

Elys is a state-of-the-art construct designed by Infernal Technologies hlc to help facilitate your transition to the AfterLife™ and to ensure your AfterLife™ is a productive one

Ainlay

Software. You’re software.

Elys

Elys is a state-of-the-art construct designed by Infernal Technologies hlc to help facilitate your transition to the AfterLife™ and to ensure your AfterLife™ is a productive one

Ainlay

Whatever.

How do I get points?

Positive ones, I mean.

Elys

Points are awarded for successful hauntings

Ainlay

What? But I’ve been doing that!

Elys

Infernal Technologies hlc records show that you haven’t successfully haunted Jordan Healy

Ainlay

…

…

Well, yeah. That’s what I need help with.

Elys

How can Elys help you today, Ainlay?

Ainlay

I can’t complete my haunting.

Elys

Have you tried wailing? Many spirits report excellent results from wailing, especially when performed in the middle of the night

Ainlay

Yes, I’ve tried wailing.

Elys

Have you tried pushing objects to the floor? That often produces both terror and confusion in the before-death community

Ainlay

I’ve tried it.

Elys

Click below to watch a HaunTube video on how to interact with the physical world

Spectral mechanics: More than just pushing bowls off tables

Ainlay

That’s not the problem.

Elys

Please use the navigation buttons below to help me direct you to the most useful article or video 

My assigned site has been redeveloped into a block of flats

Update my details in the Necronomicon

Schedule a poltergeist repair 

I’m lonely 

Ainlay

…

…

There’s a problem with my assignment.

Elys

Has your assigned site been redeveloped into a block of flats, Ainlay?

Ainlay

It’s not that. I’m at the wrong address!

Elys

You have selected schedule a poltergeist repair 

Ainlay

You complete cockpotato – I’ve done nothing of the sort.

Elys

Our records indicate there’s no poltergeist currently assigned to you. This chat will now end

Elys has left the chat

Your current Ecto points balance is –61

Please help Infernal Technologies hlc improve by rating your experience with Elys today

😐 🙂 😀 😃 🥰

Words: 13k

Pages: 76

Estimated reading time: 0–1 hours

When I published my first book in January 2020, someone at work laughed and asked me when I was going to quit my job.

There’s this perception out there that authors are wealthy people. And I’m sure the big names (e.g. Richard Osman, Stephen King, John Scalzi, etc.) are doing just fine.

But it’s not like that for indie authors. It’s tough out there. There are great, amazing things about being an indie author. But most of us aren’t making bank.

You know who is making money out of books? Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon.

You may have noticed a move in recent years of indie authors selling their books directly to you. There’s a reason for that.

If you buy a book for 0.99 from Amazon, the author gets to keep maybe 0.26 of that. Maybe. It depends on the file size. And they won’t even get that for around 3 months. But if you buy a book from an author for 0.99, the author gets to keep around 0.83. And we get that money within days.

Because that first book I mentioned? Four years later, it hasn’t come close to paying for itself.

If you can’t buy direct, libraries are a great way to get books for free while still helping authors get their fair share.